Doodle sugar cookies

You know those really elaborately decorated cookies everyone seems to be able to make these days? The ones with dots of royal icing the size of a proton and impossibly intricate curlicues in carefully-dyed hues?

Fuck. That. source

Yeah, I can’t do that either. Blame it on my tendency to get hand cramps when I’m using a piping bag for too long (poor form?), or my lack of any great artistic ability, or my incredible impatience—whatever it is, I’ve never had a talent for cookie decorating, nor have I ever had the urge to dedicate the necessary hours to improving my skills.

And it turns out, I didn’t have to. Thanks to the incredible invention of edible markers and a doodle-friendly iced cookie recipe from Rosie Alyea of Sweetapolita, any old schmuck can decorate their cookies to the absurd level of detail they’ve always aspired towards. 

I don't even know what this photo is.

First, the cookies themselves. They are very delicious, naturally, being sugar cookies. Those are hard to mess up. Just be sure to chill the dough properly and dip your cookie cutters in flour. Or don’t—I couldn’t care less. Then, ice those babies with royal icing. Let dry for a ridiculous length of time (i.e. 12 hours). It is only THEN that you may draw on them. And then, ONLY draw on them with edible markers. Don’t be that asshole who draws on your cookies with regular markers and figures that a fraction of a teaspoon of ink won’t hurt anyone. Yeah, maybe it won’t hurt anyone, but they sure as hell won’t want to eat any of your baked goods in the future.

I hope that disclaimer was unnecessary.

These cookies here are obviously decorated in some sort of soccer theme, as demonstrated by the women’s soccer jerseys and soccer balls and...rainbows? Yeah, I don’t know. Point is, these were made to celebrate the end of the soccer season way back in mid-November, which really shows you how far behind I am in posting shit on here. They were pretty damn fun to make, if I do say so myself. I also had to constantly reassure myself that it was okay to write on the cookies with the EDIBLE markers I bought at JoAnn’s, since they look so similar to regular, non-edible markers.

Those markers still kind of give me anxiety.

Honestly, this whole concept of a doodle-friendly cookie is pretty exciting. The possibilities are limitless. Well, you’re kind of limited to whatever cookie cutters you have (or what shapes you are willing to cut out by hand—I don’t have a shirt cutout, so I improvised) and your drawing abilities, but otherwise—LIMITLESS. I guess you could say they’re the Zombocom of cookies.

Anyway. Here’s the recipe.

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Doodle sugar cookies

Adapted from The Sweetapolita Bakebook by Rosie Alyea

Ingredients

Sugar cookies

470 grams • all-purpose flour • 3 ½ cups

2 grams • baking powder • ½ teaspoon

3 grams • salt • ½ teaspoon

224 grams • vegan butter, room temperature • 1 cup

250 grams • granulated sugar • 1 ¼ cup

8 grams • vanilla extract • 2 teaspoon

8 grams • Ener-g egg replacer • 1 tablespoon

45 grams • water • 3 tablespoons

45 grams • nondairy milk • 3 tablespoons

Royal icing

500 grams • powdered sugar • 4 cups

32 grams • Ener-g egg replacer • ¼ cup

122 grams • water • ½ cup

4 grams • lemon juice • 1 teaspoon

2 grams • almond extract • ½ teaspoon

Edible culinary markers, such as these

Directions

In large bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.

Place vegan butter and sugar in the bowl of an electric stand mixer and beat until combined. Add vanilla and beat well. In a measuring cup, whisk together Ener-g egg replacer and water until the powder dissolves. Add to mixer and beat to combine. Reduce mixer speed to low and gradually add the flour mixture, beating just until incorporated. Do not over-mix.

Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and press into a disk. Chill for 1 hour.

Unwrap chilled dough and place on a large piece of parchment. Place another piece of parchment on top and roll out the dough until it’s ¼-inch thick. Slide parchment dough onto a board and freeze or refrigerate for 15 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line two baking sheets with parchment. Remove dough from refrigerator and cut into shapes using the cutters of our choice. Put shapes about 1 ½ inches apart on the prepared baking sheets. Freeze for at 15 minutes.

Bake the cookies one sheet at a time until the edges are just crisp and a very light golden color, 12 to 15 minutes. Let cookies cool in the baking sheet for 10 minutes. Gently transfer to wire racks to cool completely.

To make icing, place powdered sugar, egg replacer, water, lemon juice, and almond extract in the bowl of an electric stand mixer (being sure to clean the bowl of any residual grease before adding ingredients). Beat on low speed until the ingredients have been incorporated. Increase speed and continue to beat until very thick, about 15 minutes.

To ice your cookies, you want a nice “10-second” consistency, where a knife dragged through the center of the icing will leave a line that flows back together and becomes invisible in 10 seconds. Add very small increments of water (a few drops at a time) and mix until it reaches that point.

Place icing in a piping bag fitted with a small round tip. Outline your cookies with a line of icing. This outline will act as a dam that stops the icing from flowing off the cookie (hopefully—I had some mishaps with this, being a novice). Fill the cookies with icing, being sure not to overload them with icing.

Let the cookies dry for 12 hours, until the icing is completely firm. Be patient—you don’t want the icing to break while you draw on them.

Once dry, gently draw on them with edible markers. Munch.

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Almost too beautiful to eat. ALMOST.

For more amazing cookies, check out these recipes.

Vegan alfajores. Featuring homemade dairy-free dulce de leche.

Chocolate chip cookie for one. How dangerous is this recipe? Couldn’t hurt to find out!

Rose macarons. Elegant AF.

Vanilla bean biscotti. These are perfect with morning coffee, I can testify.