Thursday, October 2, 2014

Creamy vegan pumpkin pie white hot chocolate

Creamy vegan pumpkin pie white hot chocolate 

When it comes to procrastinating, a student’s creativity knows no ends. Really. You should see some of the weird, dumb shit I’ve done while setting aside those quadratic equations and essays over the years. In fact, lemme show you.

The past week, I’ve done a few, ahem, slightly blasphemous Photoshops on pictures of famous people. I mean, I’m really just trying to practice using the software, which is a very helpful skill (as we are all well-aware) in the realm of profile pictures as well as food photography. But mostly for comic effect. Blame it on Photoshop battles, the supreme subreddit of hilarious photo edits. That’s a club that takes some serious skill to join.

So here they are. First, I took this picture of Lincoln out of my files and thought to myself, “Gee this picture really needs a little something.”

portrait photograph of abraham lincoln
A bit of a bland taste in fashion he's got there. source
hipster lincoln
Ah! Much better. A little hipster never hurt anyone.

That Lincoln? He judges your coffee. He listened to your favorite band before it was cool—but now they’ve sold out and gone mainstream, he doesn’t like them no more. This Lincoln is in touch with his emotions, goddamit.

And then you have Joan of Arc, the ultimate party-hard martyr, with this hopelessly bland painting. A tragedy, really. I just had to give her a slight makeover.

painting of joan of arc
Grand, but not grand enough. source

joan of arc is one party-hard martyr
Yass, Joan, slay!

You may recognize Ariana Grande’s “I love haters” hat. You will not, however, recognize the level of party going on in that little work of art. That Joan of Arc saves France by day and drops the beat (and maybe, when she’s feeling fly, some rhymes) in the strobe lights of the night. She don’t give a fuck. ‘Cept when it comes to the Hundred Years’ War, or the word of god, of course. 

To conclude this little tour of offensive photoshops, observe this neckbeard-inspired rendering of Winston Churchill, hero of World War II and professional quote-maker:

Peace? Really, Mr. Churchill? source

winston churchill was the original neckbeard

Anyway. That was pleasant, wasn’t it?

Now let’s talk about this pumpkin pie hot chocolate. 

Kinda plain, don't you think? I ought to--*puts on glasses*--spice it up a little.

I can't even.

As we launch headfirst into fall, I think it is very fitting to start out with a drinkable pumpkin recipe for the home-bound dessert lover. Not all of us like to schlep out to Starbucks every afternoon and fork over more than a few dollars for pumpkin spice lattes and mass-produced baked goods—or maybe we do. Sometimes we do.

But that sort of habit can expensive pretty quickly. The solution? Homemade!

Yes, I know, this isn’t a latte—it is hot chocolate, white hot chocolate to be specific, but hear me out. It’s sweet; it’s creamy; it’s got delicious, warm pumpkin pie flavors; and most importantly, you can top it with as much whipped cream as you want. That’s basically a PSL. You could even add a bit of espresso powder if you really wanted that faux coffee-drink effect.

Here’s the recipe.


Creamy vegan pumpkin pie white hot chocolate

Adapted from this red velvet hot chocolate


488 grams • nondairy milk • 2 cups

120 grams • pumpkin puree • ½ cup

113 grams • nondairy white chocolate, chopped • 4 ounces

3 grams • cinnamon • 1 teaspoon

1 gram • cloves • ¼ teaspoon

1 gram • nutmeg • ¼ teaspoon

1 gram • allspice • ¼ teaspoon

1 gram • ginger • ¼ teaspoon

4 grams • vanilla extract • 1 teaspoon


Combine, nondairy milk, pumpkin, chopped white chocolate, and spices in a small saucepan. Bring to a simmer—do not boil—and stir until the white chocolate has melted and ingredients are thoroughly combined. Let cool for a minute after removing from heat, then stir in vanilla. Serve with whipped cream. Drink up.


Like my cheesy candle decoration, eh?

Rest assured that there is no calorie spared in this hot cocoa. It is rich and creamy and filled to the brim with sweet spiciness. Something to wake up early for.

Then again, homework also happens to be something to wake up early for, so I’m not sure if that’s so much of a good thing. Or we could just go with it.


  1. Yum! This looks fantastic! And I had a chuckle to myself seeing all the photoshopping going on, touchê!
    As far as the procrastinating, it sounds like Bernard Black in the Black Books when he needs to get his paperwork sorted, if you haven't watched it, please do - more procrastinating material! There are only three series of it though, so not too bad ;) x

    1. I've never heard of that show, but it sounds hilarious after a quick googlin' :) Glad you like the photoshops!

  2. Haha, oh man, these are hilarious. Hipster Lincoln is the best! I would not be mad if every future post included funny photoshopped pictures. That's the problem with food blogging--we all take ourselves too seriously. More hot chocolate holding starbucks, please!

    1. Thanks so much! They were loads of fun to make. :)