Homemade vegan graham crackers

You ever been downright disappointed with a book? I’m sure you have; everyone has been. I recently had the misfortune of reading yet another not-so-great book that let me down and left me crying on the cold hard floor like some kind of heartbroken pop star. This time around, it was A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness.

And I’ll have you know, I was super pumped to read this when I picked it up at the bookstore. The third book in the All Souls trilogy, The Book of Life, was listed on the New York Times Book Review’s list of the year’s 100 best books—which is pretty damn good, for a fantasy novel. Goodreads also voted it as the best fantasy book of the year. So while I couldn’t very well read the third book in the trilogy first, I had an expectation that the first book would be just as good.

Not so. From the first few chapters, I started to get this growing feeling of unease and annoyance with Miss Harkness’ overwrought, bloated writing style. No detail was spared, no matter how insignificant, whether to show off the author’s background in wine consumption or alchemical history or Oxford University, or to emphasize how beautiful and perfect every character was.

I watched as Diana, the beautiful and brilliant protagonist, hooked up with Matthew, the darkly handsome and quite frankly very stereotypical vampire, eating out at diners together and drinking wine and going to yoga—I kid you not—and basically fucking around without actually fucking.

My god, the yoga. Dumbest thing I’d ever read. Almost.

And did you know that Diana is not only an accomplished historian, but a yogi and a runner and a rower and a horse rider with beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes? Indeed, so it is. Matthew also happens to be a renowned scientist with a background in alchemy and basically everything else—although I suppose he would have time for all of those accomplishments, given that he is fifteen hundred years old.

As the book dragged on, I began to have the sneaking suspicion that there actually is no plot to this book. (Spoilers ahead, those of you who for some reason want to read this book.) Diana finds a mysterious book. Diana is vaguely threatened (but not really) by an assemblage of witches and demons and vampires. Diana and Matthew date and do boring shit together. Diana and Matthew go to the dude’s giant-ass home in France; proceed to do more boring shit. Diana is captured by a witch and is tortured for like ten pages (yeah I know right). Spend the rest of the book recuperating from said torture. Showdown happens; it is won easily; prophecies for some kind of magical war are made.

Basically, my overall impression was of a very poorly-edited and perhaps poorly-conceptualized book. You can bet I won’t be reading the sequels, no matter how good they are supposed to be.

Sorry for the rant; but you can understand, right? Being let down by a book is the worst. Really pisses me off. I mean, it’s personal—I spent all this time and even some money on a piece of trash! RRRRRRRRRGHHH!

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE wait sorry. source

So let’s talk about these crackers.

I need something to calm my jimmies after all that ranting.

Basically what I have for you today is a very simple but essential recipe. Store bought graham crackers are good, yes, and some brands are even naturally vegan (so long as you buy the variety without honey). But homemade? Even better. They’re slightly sweet, perfectly crispy, and work well in everything from homemade s’mores (homemade vegan marshmallows, anyone?) to pies to just dipping in peanut butter. I needed some homemade graham crackers for my carrot cake, which I made for Easter this year, and it was fabulous.

Here, I’ll even share the new photos of the cake. It’s a slightly different recipe, prepared for my super-secret special cake project (shhhhh).

Beautiful, isn't it.

Anyway. I’ll shut up now; here’s the recipe.

__________

Homemade vegan graham crackers

Adapted from King Arthur Flour

Ingredients

130 grams • whole wheat flour • 1 cup

136 grams • all-purpose flour • 1 cup

50 grams • granulated sugar • ¼ cup

3 grams • salt • ½ teaspoon

2 grams • cinnamon • 1 teaspoon

4 grams • baking powder • 1 teaspoon

7 grams • flaxseed meal • 1 tablespoon

45 grams • warm water • 3 tablespoons

56 grams • vegetable oil • ¼ cup

84 grams • agave nectar • ¼ cup

30 grams • nondairy milk • 2 tablespoons

Directions

In a large bowl, whisk together flours, sugar, salt, cinnamon, and baking powder. In a separate bowl, whisk together remaining ingredients. Fold wet ingredients into dry and stir just until combined. Place dough in plastic wrap and chill for at least an hour, until firm.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F and line two baking sheets with parchment. On a well-floured surface, roll out dough to about 1/8-inch in thickness. Cut out rectangles from the dough and place on the prepared baking sheets, spacing about an inch apart. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes, until the tops are dry and lightly browned. Let cool completely on baking sheets.

___________

I burnt them a little, but whatever.

While you’re here, check out these other rad cookie recipes.

Chocolate chip cookie for one. One giant cookie, all for you.

Chewy Anzac cookies. A classic that you should totally try.

Cookie dough Oreos. A totally shameless and delicious sandwich cookie.