Oreo madness part II - vegan chocolate chip cookie dough Oreos

Before I say anything else, let me just mention straight away that this blog is now associated with a new Twitter account entitled @_June_Burns_. Let me repeat—I now tweet @_June_Burns_. So please, if you are interested in my 140-character bursts of verbal diarrhea, do go and follow that account.

Not that it matters. So, tell me, do you have any resolutions for this New Year? I do. I would like to cut back on my internet usage a bit (read: make pigs fly, grow a unicorn horn, etc.), seeing as my present state of OMG READ ALL THE THINGS CLICK ALL THE LINKS often gets in the way of more productive activities, like writing.

Even a god damn blog post. It’s fucking vacation, and I’ve waited four days to write this post! Now that’s a problem.

I’m not saying that being addicted to the internet is all bad—in fact, today I want to share with you two marvelous *things* I have found within the last few months and which I have been meaning to work into this regularly scheduled food-related content.  Basically, two musicians who I found through mildly unconventional means.

First, Aaradhna. Interesting name, right? That’s what I thought, too, when I saw it listed under “New Zealand musicians”, first with the double-A, having somehow ended up on the page after reading the Wikipedia article on Lorde. Aaradhna’s description seemed promising too, being an R&B artist. So I thought, all right, I’ll take a listen of her latest (and apparently most successful) album. And holy shit, am I glad. 

Now, I’m an R&B fan, like most *kids these days*. But she also has a bit of doowop in her, which takes me back...a whole year, basically, to the days when I played soccer (shit I shouldn’t talk about that) in this far-off suburban town, and me and my half-banana-eating mom would go to the café where they played 50’s doowop constantly, the same songs every time. Today it’s almost Pavlovian. The second I hear doowop being played, I think of the café and good times and it makes me happy.

Sorry. It’s just...so...warm...and...fuzzy.

Yeah, especially that song right there. Which is hilarious. You should watch it.

Unless you’re a guy, in which case it might be a bit disturbing.

The second weird act I stumbled across, somehow, during my hours of regularly schedule internet surfing research? Cleo. Now, I’m not going to talk about which subreddit I found her on (I have my dignity you know even if it’s just a little bit), but suffice it so say I somehow ended up watching her mildly not-safe-for-work (NSFW) video for My Słowianie. And what? She’s Polish? I have no idea what she’s saying?

Totally okay with that. 

Her album Hiper / Chimera, a collaboration with Polish rapper (Polish rap exists?) Donatan, is certainly intriguing. You’ve got hip hop and pop, and then traditional Polish instruments like horns of some sort and violins. Very, very interesting.

Even more interesting is the fact that she participated in the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest, the same one that brought Conchita Wurst into the spotlight. It’s a shame she wasn’t more successful. Some said the performance was a bit raunchier than necessary. I dunno. She’s not bad at all in that respect when compared to American artists like, say, Katy Perry.

Decide for yourselves, fellow citizens of the earth! Also I hope you liked the music videos. It would make my hours of internet browsing worthwhile.

Yeah. So. What to do while looking at music videos?

EAT COOKIES.

These pictures really do not give them justice.

Very relevant to music videos, these cookies are the pinnacle of edible cookie dough consumption. You sandwich cookie dough...in between two cookies. Geddit? Eh? It’s fantastic. For a little while, you can forget that raw flour may be the thing that kills you in cookie dough (ah who am I kidding it’s clearly the organic chocolate chips you are using).

Even better? They’re super easy...once you’ve made the shortbread. I feel kind of guilty posting these, almost, since they are *low effort* and *Pinterest bait* but you know what? I fail to care this time around.

So here is the recipe. Try to ward off the secondary sugar high emanating from the screen.

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Vegan cookie dough Oreos

Adapted from my favorite basic cookie dough

Ingredients

½ recipe Bouchon Bakery’s chocolate shortbread

113 grams ● coconut oil, softened ● ½ cup

165 grams ● brown sugar ● ¾ cup, packed

8 grams ● vanilla ● 2 teaspoons

3 grams ● salt ● ½ teaspoon

125 grams ● all-purpose flour ● 1 cup

30 grams ● nondairy milk ● 2 tablespoons

168 grams ● nondairy chocolate chips ● 1 cup

Instructions

Place coconut oil in the bowl of an electric stand mixer and beat until smooth. Add brown sugar, vanilla, and salt, and beat until fluffy. Spoon in all-purpose flour with mixer on low speed and mix just until combined. Fold in chocolate chips.

Scoop cookie dough onto one shortbread cookie; sandwich another on top and press them together (carefully!). Enjoy your sugar high.

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Okay folks I don’t even have a third picture to show you today so here are some related recipes. With cookie dough.

Fuck I just love cookie dough. Can’t help it.

Cookie dough-studded sex in a pan. STUDDED. WITH COOKIE DOUGH. DO YOU HEAR ME?

Vegan chocolate cookie dough ice cream cake with homemade chocolate wafer crust and cookie dough frosting. ‘Tis a mouthful, but I care not about this either.

Chocolate chip cookie dough pancakes. Another exercise in shamelessness.