I hate cookie butter.
There. I said it. I hate peanut butter’s sexier, slightly fatter older sister, the pet poodle of the food blog world and dessert lovers everywhere, the “personal crack” of at least five million Trader Joe’s-shopping, Biscoff-toting speculoos addicts around the world. Bite me.
Poor little June. Imagine her dismay when she ripped open a brand new container and took a spoonful, only to find that no, it did not taste like cookie dough or chocolate chip cookies or whatever, but rotten, vomit-flavored, tongue-coating, gag-inducing shit. Disgusting. I’ve not touched the stuff since.
Though it turned out my mom and brother loved it, so we’ve continued to buy cookie butter alongside our equally-virtuous jars of Nutella and creamy-style peanut butter.
But still I dreamt of a spread that truly captured the idea of what a cookie was to me—the pure, buttery goodness; that sweet, slightly caramelized flavor; maybe a hint of chocolate. And really, what is stopping us from using other cookies to make cookie butter, not just those dreadful speculoos things? Why haven’t we made snickerdoodle butter? Or gingerbread butter? Or chocolate wafer butter? Or—
|OMG June no.|
CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE BUTTER.
I told you there was some special higher purpose to those chocolate chip cookies I made yesterday. Rather than eat them like a normal person, I tossed them in the food processor with some coconut oil and cashews to turn them into thick, creamy (if not quite as creamy as the commercial stuff) cookie butter—the stuff of dreams. Quite honestly, this is the most delicious food to look like fecal matter since Nutella itself.
It may look awfully chocolaty, but the flavor is more inclined towards the caramel-y, brown sugar flavor of a chocolate chip cookie base, with notes of chocolate and a bit of nuttiness from the cashew butter. And speaking of cashew butter...that means this is healthy, right? Good enough for breakfast? Smeared on some toast, maybe?
|Dream on, Baby June.|
But in case you aren’t keen on having a whole bunch of cookie butter hanging around the house with only your spoon as company, I’ve added it to a basic buttercream recipe for cupcakes, cakes, or whatever else you put frosting on. Magical shit, that is. Probably one of the best frostings I’ve ever made, short of that lavender buttercream I whipped up for that other cupcake recipe.
Here’s how you make it.
Chocolate chip cookie butter
226 grams • homemade vegan chocolate chip cookies • 8 ounces
54 grams • coconut oil, melted • ¼ cup
64 grams • cashew butter (store-bought or homemade) • ¼ cup
Place cookies in a food processor. If you want, you can break up the cookies a little bit before putting them in there if your processor isn’t that powerful. Grind up those cookies until they are small crumbs, then pour in coconut oil and keep blending until smooth. You may need extra coconut oil for more smoothness. You can keep this chilled or at room temperature depending on the consistency you want.
Chocolate chip cookie butter frosting
128 grams • chocolate chip cookie butter (see recipe above), at room temperature • ½ cup
226 grams • nondairy margarine, softened (you can substitute up to half with coconut oil) • 1 cup
500 grams • powdered sugar • 4 cups
30 grams • nondairy milk • 2 tablespoons
Salt to taste
Place cookie butter and margarine in the bowl of an electric stand mixer and beat until light and fluffy. Slowly add powdered sugar until combined, then add nondairy milk and pinch of salt. Beat until frostalicious and fluffy. Add salt to taste. For a stiffer consistency, add up to a quarter cup more powdered sugar; for a looser consistency, add up to a tablespoon more milk. Use immediately.
|Like my china? Hmmm? I'm trying to use some nice props here, give me some credit.|
Another tip: you can substitute any vegetable oil for the coconut oil; but know that if you use a type of oil that is liquid at room temperature, your butter won’t be quite as thick. In a pinch, you can also use peanut butter (or another nut butter) instead of the cashews if you are okay with a slightly more accentuated nut-flavor.
But it’s all good. This is just ground-up cookies, people. Can’t go wrong with that.
Up next: another cupcake base recipe, starring chocolate (obviously) and our FAVORITE green, squashy vegetable. Are you excited?!