Not so. From the first few chapters, I started to get this growing feeling of unease and annoyance with Miss Harkness’ overwrought, bloated writing style. No detail was spared, no matter how insignificant, whether to show off the author’s background in wine consumption or alchemical history or Oxford University, or to emphasize how beautiful and perfect every character was.
I watched as Diana, the beautiful and brilliant protagonist, hooked up with Matthew, the darkly handsome and quite frankly very stereotypical vampire, eating out at diners together and drinking wine and going to yoga—I kid you not—and basically fucking around without actually fucking.
My god, the yoga. Dumbest thing I’d ever read. Almost.
And did you know that Diana is not only an accomplished historian, but a yogi and a runner and a rower and a horse rider with beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes? Indeed, so it is. Matthew also happens to be a renowned scientist with a background in alchemy and basically everything else—although I suppose he would have time for all of those accomplishments, given that he is fifteen hundred years old.
As the book dragged on, I began to have the sneaking suspicion that there actually is no plot to this book. (Spoilers ahead, those of you who for some reason want to read this book.) Diana finds a mysterious book. Diana is vaguely threatened (but not really) by an assemblage of witches and demons and vampires. Diana and Matthew date and do boring shit together. Diana and Matthew go to the dude’s giant-ass home in France; proceed to do more boring shit. Diana is captured by a witch and is tortured for like ten pages (yeah I know right). Spend the rest of the book recuperating from said torture. Showdown happens; it is won easily; prophecies for some kind of magical war are made.
Basically, my overall impression was of a very poorly-edited and perhaps poorly-conceptualized book. You can bet I won’t be reading the sequels, no matter how good they are supposed to be.
Sorry for the rant; but you can understand, right? Being let down by a book is the worst. Really pisses me off. I mean, it’s personal—I spent all this time and even some money on a piece of trash! RRRRRRRRRGHHH!
|REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE wait sorry. source|
So let’s talk about these crackers.
|I need something to calm my jimmies after all that ranting.|
Basically what I have for you today is a very simple but essential recipe. Store bought graham crackers are good, yes, and some brands are even naturally vegan (so long as you buy the variety without honey). But homemade? Even better. They’re slightly sweet, perfectly crispy, and work well in everything from homemade s’mores (homemade vegan marshmallows, anyone?) to pies to just dipping in peanut butter. I needed some homemade graham crackers for my carrot cake, which I made for Easter this year, and it was fabulous.
Here, I’ll even share the new photos of the cake. It’s a slightly different recipe, prepared for my super-secret special cake project (shhhhh).
|Beautiful, isn't it.|
Anyway. I’ll shut up now; here’s the recipe.
Homemade vegan graham crackers
Adapted from King Arthur Flour
130 grams • whole wheat flour • 1 cup
136 grams • all-purpose flour • 1 cup
50 grams • granulated sugar • ¼ cup
3 grams • salt • ½ teaspoon
2 grams • cinnamon • 1 teaspoon
4 grams • baking powder • 1 teaspoon
7 grams • flaxseed meal • 1 tablespoon
45 grams • warm water • 3 tablespoons
56 grams • vegetable oil • ¼ cup
84 grams • agave nectar • ¼ cup
30 grams • nondairy milk • 2 tablespoons
In a large bowl, whisk together flours, sugar, salt, cinnamon, and baking powder. In a separate bowl, whisk together remaining ingredients. Fold wet ingredients into dry and stir just until combined. Place dough in plastic wrap and chill for at least an hour, until firm.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F and line two baking sheets with parchment. On a well-floured surface, roll out dough to about 1/8-inch in thickness. Cut out rectangles from the dough and place on the prepared baking sheets, spacing about an inch apart. Bake for 12 to 15 minutes, until the tops are dry and lightly browned. Let cool completely on baking sheets.
|I burnt them a little, but whatever.|
While you’re here, check out these other rad cookie recipes.
Chocolate chip cookie for one. One giant cookie, all for you.
Chewy Anzac cookies. A classic that you should totally try.
Cookie dough Oreos. A totally shameless and delicious sandwich cookie.