Friday, June 20, 2014

Easy vegan banana split ice cream

There are some special recipes out there so simple one hardly needs instructions—a PB & Elvis, for example—yet the end result is remarkable enough that you can’t keep it to yourself. This is one of those.

easy vegan banana split ice cream

Banana ice cream has been around for a while now. I think we can all agree it is fabulous. One ingredient. Takes about five minutes of kitchening around, if you don’t count the time the bananas spend in the freezer; and unless you are allergic to bananas (an allergy which I actually have encountered) pretty much everyone, no matter their sensitivities or food preferences, can enjoy it. Okay, and unless you are my mom, who can only stand half a banana at once.

half a banana
She eats them for the nutrition. I admire her virtuousness. source

As you can see, this berry-filled treat is practically the epitome of health and happiness and life itself, and goddamit, it’s not going to give you acne and body odor. Hallelujah. But I hesitate to label this as OMGhealthy, since, you know, the pursuit of healthyness really means ain’t so clear as this ice cream is delicious.

The Interwebs are full of people who seem to have it all figured out, whether that means cutting out types of food or food groups or mimicking Paleolithic dietary patterns (mkay) or only drinking juice (wut) or only eating foods that do not have dirt on them (double wut). It’s all quite confusing, in the end, since most of these natural food specialists or dieticians or whatever seem to have vastly different sources of information to support their ideas. And that’s okay. Maybe they should go into politics.

So like the pretentious uppity bitch that I am, I go ahead and ignore everything every natural food specialist or whatever says and eat my cake. Even though wheat and sugar and canola oil and all that shit will obviously blow you up like Violet Beauregard, not to mention bestow you with nearly every disease and disability in existence and ultimately crush our already fragile health care system under the weight of your flubbishness. You sick fatty fat.

Frankly, I’m more worried about the important issues—like whether or not I should spend the next four hours of summer vacation sleeping or faffing around online. 

internet forever 3:17 am
You said it. source

Irreverence aside, you’ve got to admit the world of healthy eating is full of contradictions and misinformation and other sort of things that make it pretty damn hard to figure out what, exactly, you should eat today. I try my best. I eat a lot of salad. Even if I put stale bread and Cheez-its and coconut bacon and shit all over them.

salad bacon one leaf
I made a salad! So proud. source

Lucky for us hapless plebeians there seems to be a consensus that whole foods—fruits and vegetables and other such things which are harvested in their whole, natural form—are the best for one’s health. So there’s that.

And guess what? This ice cream is filled with whole foods. Well, I think it does. Pretty sure. Bananas are whole foods, right? And cherries? Or does it not count if you don’t eat the pits? What if you discard the shells of the walnuts? I don’t know. This is confusing.

In an attempt to further understand whether or not this ice cream really is “healthy”, I plugged the ingredients list into a nutrition calculator and examined the results, as follows:

easy vegan banana ice cream nutrition facts
Wow! Exactly 200 calories!

So it has a bit of saturated fat. Whatever. There is some polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fat, both of which are supposed to be good for you. Or maybe not. Maybe fat is evil. We don’t know. There’s a lot of potassium, anyway, which is fabulous, as well as fiber. There’s a whole bunch of sugar, which we all know is the devil, but there are almost four whole grams of protein! So it’s worth it!

minerals present in easy vegan banana split ice cream
Didn't need to know all of that but whatever.

Thanks to Sparkpeople’s recipe calculator, we can all know way more than we needed to about the recipes we make. For example, who knew this sexy awesome ice cream recipe was rich in Vitamin B-6, Vitamin C, Copper, Magnesium, Manganese, and Riboflavin? Ain’t that fine! I don’t know what it means, but it sounds good!

By now, you must be totally utterly heads-over-heels in love with this super-duper healthy recipe. I know I am. 

easy vegan banana split ice cream
Um...I guess?

Yes, yes. You can obviously see above that it isn’t the prettiest of ice creams. I’m not exactly a seasoned ice cream maker, banana or otherwise, so maybe I lack the skills to swirl fudge sauce into ice cream properly so it looks all nice and neat.

Who cares, it tastes great. Like a banana split. But healthier.
Banana split ice cream

Makes six servings


About 4 spotted (well-ripened) bananas

Handful of cherries (maybe try maraschino cherries, but I used fresh)

Chopped walnuts

Hot fudge sauce (recipe below)


Chop bananas into coins and put in the freezer with cherries until hardened, about 2 to 3 hours. At this time, place frozen cherries and bananas in food processor and blend until smooth. It will take a few minutes, so be patient. When it looks all creamy and ice cream-like, pour into a freeze-able plastic container. Fold in some chopped walnuts and hot fudge sauce. Freeze for a few more minutes and serve. Store any leftovers in the freezer.

Hot fudge sauce (adapted from The Pretty Bee)


21 grams • Earth Balance or other vegan buttery spread • 1 ½ tablespoons

16 grams • all-purpose flour (gluten free if desired) • 2 tablespoons

244 grams • nondairy milk • 1 cup

21 grams • cocoa powder • ¼ cup

43 grams • sugar • 3 ½ tablespoons

Pinch salt


Head on over to The Pretty Bee to get instructions. Allow to cool completely before using.

As you can see, this recipe is so incredibly easy you don’t even need to measure some of the components. You can put as many or as few bananas as you want, so long as they are fully ripened and frozen. You could even try swapping fresh cherries for maraschino cherries, for an extra boost of nostalgia-inducing banana split flavor. 

easy vegan banana split ice cream how to philosophize with cake
That font is making my eyes bleed.

Not only does this bowl of deliciousness bestow you with the joy that only good ice cream can bring, it allows you to retain your position of smug self-righteousness regarding your own health! Ain’t it fine?

Or maybe that’s just me.

Seriously, though, this stuff is good enough for breakfast. And that’s good enough for me.


  1. If it's good enough for breakfast, it's good enough for me too! I eat bananas more than any other fruit. Mainly because they are so cheap and go well with peanut butter. I've never tried banana ice cream, but your version with cherries looks too good to pass up.

    1. Yes I highly recommend it! Banana PB ice cream is a good flavor too. :)

  2. That is a fine piece of writing right there! Enjoyed it all so much :D And it does seem like some people have figured out life, doesn't it? As if no matter how hard you strive and whatever good you do, they'll always up you with their healthiness and wholefoods (NOTE: Not slagging off wholefoods, just the preaching...).
    My mother almost lives on bananas (and peanut butter, I reckon she's figured life out too...), and I usually have one most days, they're so tasty!

    This icecream looks fantasmically deeelicious, and the fudge sauce, yum! I bet that is where all the riboflavin's at ;)
    I hope you have a grrrrreat weekend missy! x

    1. Yeah I agree, sometimes the preachiness is kind of, you know, out of hand...but we can try! :) The ice cream is awesome though, highly recommend it! And whole foods, yay! :D

  3. Breakfast ice cream?? Say yes!!!

  4. I WANT a giant bowl of this for dinner....please.

    1. That actually sounds like a great idea. :D You should totally make this!

  5. That hot fudge sauce *swoon* I love making the banana ice cream, but it definitely calls for some cherries and fudge sauce!

  6. Your ice cream looks good, i am loving this guilt free ice cream already :)

  7. I will never stop eating my sugar either, because HAPPY is what it makes me. But I'm all up for making dessert a tad bit healthier. Love these!

    1. Me too! This is definitely a great healthy dessert. :)