Vegan chocolate chip cookie dough pancakes

If there’s one internet meme you bother to learn about in your entire life, make it doge. You know, that inexplicably hilarious shiba inu whose face has been plastered on image macro after image macro and has even become the meme of 2014, according to the prestigious publication that is Buzzfeed. The meme through which all of life can and should be interpreted. The meme to end all memes.

BOW DOWN source

As a huge fan of the doge, I initially found this cryptocurrency hilarious, if a bit silly. But it only took a little bit of research to discover that yes, indeed, this is a legit currency that people have created online which you can actually use to buy (some) things. And it’s awesome.

Yup. It exists. source

You might have heard about bitcoin in the news, that magic internet money nobody took seriously until it blew up a year or so ago and made thousands of early investors rich. Dogecoin is similar in that it is internet-based and can be “mined” using fancy computer software (to be honest I do not understand that part of it at all), but it also seeks to reach a broader demographic than bitcoin with its friendly mascot and by distancing itself from bitcoin’s past controversies. And seriously, how can you not love a coin with a doge on it?

Not to mention, dogecoin has a bunch of cool history behind it already. In January, dogecoin’s reddit community raised money for Jamaica’s bobsled team to attend the Sochi winter Olympics; then a twitter-based campaign sent thousands of doge-dollars towards building a well in Kenya for World Water Day; and in late march, dogecoin even sponsored NASCAR racer Josh Wise. Really.

Memes don't usually work IRL, but this...damn. source

So obviously I was dying to get involved and start participating in this amazing, incredibly supportive (by reddit’s standards, anyway) community. Yet for months, I didn’t, only because the entire concept of a cryptocurrency sounded so foreign and complicated that I could never possibly figure it out. Until a few days ago.

After lurking around in the dogecoin subreddit for a bit, I signed up for an account on moolah.io and followed the instructions on /r/dogetipbot’s sidebar and wallah! June was in! No more difficult than following a recipe.

Within the community itself, you will find lots and lots of doges being exchanged all the time. Users can “tip” other users who provide interesting or insightful content with the nifty dogecoin tipbot, thus creating this awesome warm-and-fuzzy feeling like hey! Someone on the internet appreciates me and actually gave me money for something I said!

Get enough dogecoins in your wallet, and you can even convert your coins to physical currency or, if you’re awesome, use them in a cryptocurrency-friendly online shop. But one dogecoin is equivalent to quite a bit less than one penny these days, so you’d have to be a dogemillionaire if you wanted to get anything worthwhile. There’s that.

There are a lot of little tics used when talking about dogecoin, like the term shibes (dogecoin users) and the phrase “to the moon” (which describes how, someday, the price will shoot up). Nothing that can’t be learned with a little lurking.

So why, the bored reader asks, are you telling about this in a post titled “vegan chocolate chip cookie dough pancakes”? Well, there are three reasons:

1) Dogecoin is all about adopting new shibes. Simply put, I want YOU for dogecoin.

Not a threat. Sort of. source

2) Why wouldn’t you want to board the rocketship? Soon—very soon—dogecoin is gonna hit it big, just like bitcoin, and the world will be forced to recognize the power of the doge.

3) And as you see, I’ve added a dogetip box on the sidebar. Just in case you wanted to show your appreciation for this lil ol’ blog of mine.

Anyway. I expect you’ll be joining us over in /r/dogecoin very soon. Don’t be afraid. They’re very friendly to new shibes. It’s all about kindness and having fun over there.

SO WARM AND FUZZY source

Of course, getting familiar with dogecoin is very strenuous work. You’re gonna need a pancake break, and for that I’ve got you covered.

Just look at these fucking pancakes. Look at them.

I really have no shame.

You know that I have a fetish for cookie dough-infused desserts. But what you might not have known is that I also have a fetish for cookie dough-infused breakfasts, which is much, much more deviant than anything you’ve ever heard on this here blog. Being June, I have indulged that fetish with reckless abandon and now present to you these cookie dough pancakes.

It was a no-brainer of a recipe, really. Just took my favorite vegan pancake formula and added—wait for it—chunks of full-fat, buttery cookie dough, then topped it with more thinned-out dough like I don’t even care. Which I don’t. I don’t usually give fucks, but for this recipe I gave negative fucks. And that’s really something.

The result? Pure awesomeness, of course, as the chocolate chips got all melty and gooey and the cookie dough (surprise) actually retained its sink-your-teeth-in addictive texture after being fried. The topping was even better, since, you know, have you ever not wanted to smear raw cookie dough on your pancakes? I certainly hope not.

So here it is. The greatest pancake recipe on How to Philosophize with Cake so far.         

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Vegan cookie dough pancakes

Makes one serving pancakes plus extra cookie dough

Ingredients

Cookie dough (adapted from Center Cut Cook)

113 grams ● Earth Balance, softened ● ½ cup

165 grams ● brown sugar ● ¾ cup, packed

8 grams ● vanilla ● 2 teaspoons

3 grams ● salt ● ½ teaspoon

125 grams ● all-purpose flour ● 1 cup

152 grams ● nondairy milk, at room temperature (this is important) ● ½ cup plus 2 tablespoons

80 grams ● nondairy chocolate chips (use miniature if you have them) ● ½ cup

Pancake batter (based off my mint chocolate chip pancakes)

62 grams • all-purpose flour • ½ cup

4 grams • baking powder • 1 scant teaspoon

1 gram • salt • 1/8 teaspoon

15 grams • brown sugar • 1 heaping tablespoon

61 grams • nondairy milk • ¼ cup

52 grams • canned coconut milk • 3 tablespoons

3 grams • apple cider vinegar • ½ teaspoon

7 grams • vegetable oil • ½ tablespoon

2 grams • vanilla extract • ¼ teaspoon

Instructions

To make cookie dough, place Earth Balance and brown sugar in the bowl of an electric stand mixer and beat until light and fluffy. Add vanilla, salt, and all-purpose flour and mix on low speed just until a dough forms. Add 30 grams / 2 tablespoons milk and combine well.

Remove half of the dough from the mixer and form it into little balls. Keep the other half in the mixer and begin to mix on low speed. Slowly add in the remaining 122 grams / ½ cup milk until it is thoroughly combined. Add more milk if you want a thinner consistency.

To make pancakes, whisk all-purpose flour, baking powder, salt, and brown sugar in a small bowl. Then fold in milks, apple cider vinegar, vegetable oil, and vanilla extract just until combined. Drop batter into little pancakes on a well-preheated pan and press balls of cookie dough into the batter. Fry until golden brown on each side. Top with cookie dough syrup. Munch like a boss.

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Prior to being topped with raw cookie.

Now, this recipe is not for the faint of heart. You may feel tempted to substitute actual cookie dough with, say, that popular Larabar-esque stuff many healthy living bloggers like to claim actually tastes like cookie dough (which it does not, as I know from experience). But while that concoction might be okay, it will not be nearly as mind-blowing as this ‘Murican-style foodgasm of a breakfast is. So just keep that in mind.

But you guys are awesome. I trust you with this. 

Awwwwwwwwww but really.

(Just, you know, remember to start hustling those dogecoins.)