Lemon blueberry crisp with almond cookie topping (gluten-free and vegan)

My mother is not one to make exotic vegan or gluten-free foods, nor does she appreciate me substituting butter for coconut oil and such things (for whatever reason). So imagine my surprise when one day, I amble into the kitchen to find a bag of brand-spanking-new coconut flour sitting on the counter.

Vegan cookie dough-studded sex in a pan, from scratch

Yes. Sex. In a pan.

This is what I promised you, way back when.

As someone who practically fetishizes homemade desserts and other goodies, I am simultaneously fascinated and horrified by good old Murican classic desserts—such as sex in a pan—which are heavily reliant on boxed cake mixes, instant pudding, flavored gelatin, and, of course, Cool Whip. Dessert snobs (like me) can dismiss these desserts as grub of the plebian masses…but when it comes to potlucks and barbecues, guess which disappears first: an intricately constructed torte, or the trough of Oreo delight?

Yeah. I think we all know the answer to that. 

Fresh strawberry oatmeal cookie cups with lemon buttercream

If there is one universally loveable food trend out there, that would be miniature food. We’ve seen all kinds of hand-held, bite-sized edibles come into fashion in the past decade or so, from cupcakes to burger sliders to cake pops to hand pies. And I know these foods have been in existence for more than a decade, but, you know, with foodie culture and all it’s only recently that these things have become widespread and, in some cases, “elevated”.

Peanut butter chocolate cookie dough-studded dark cocoa brownies with candied almond crust, banana pudding swirls, and hazelnut chocolate drizzle, plus sprinkles

Hi, friends, it’s Baby June! and we’re back with another episode of #CookingWithRandomShit and #FMLFridays. Even though it’s not Friday.

But seriously, FML.

I wish I was half that classy flipping the bird. source

{Salted} dark chocolate Oreo-stuffed **white** chocolate chip cookie bars with coconut red velvet cheesecake swirls, {walnut} streusel, and *salty* caramelized ~drizzle~, plus sprinkles! #fmlfridays #cookingwithrandomshit #sponserd

These decadent indulgent delicious treats are sure to expand your waistline but they sure don’t taste skinny! They are filled with fresh delicious chocolate and canned pie filling, and taste exactly like the crumbs at the bottom of the cereal box. They are probably the best recipe you’ve never made. It’s a transcendent experience. Like watching Terminator 2 with no pants on and a ketchup stain on your white shirt. Or Cheeto dust. Fuck. I don’t even know.

*Heavy breathing*

Dark chocolate cookie crisp with cinnamon and cloves

Hello fellow food lover and blog reader! I’m just gonna get this little tidbit of blatant self-promotion out of the way and say that yes, I have signed up for all the social media in the past few weeks, so I’ll summarize where Baby June can be found on the interwebz. I have a Twitter account, which was formerly a parody account of what I thought a pastry chef / professional baker would be like and has now segued into pure blog-related shit. More blog-related shit can be found on Bloglovin, where I obsessively follow about five hundred blogs and counting. Not only that, but I have finally signed up for Pinterest, the pin-acle (bahahahahahaha funny pun June) of social media in the food blogosphere at this moment in Internet time—and, as Internet time tends to dictate, it will probably fall out of fashion next week and everyone will be hopping onto the next big thing. But whatever. Too late now, I already have an account. 

Visit June Baby's profile on Pinterest.

Thin mint cake

I’m sure you’re all still reeling from last post’s brutal honesty and uncalled-for editorializing. But I know who isn’t—Google already knew all of that shit about me.

And the NSA. Obviously. They hunter2-ed me a long time ago. source

Big blue minivan cake

Who wants to make a cake for their minivan?

Wow. Sexy. source

Okay, let me rephrase that question. Who wants to make a cake? A big one? With lots of frosting?

When cake is the question, yes is always the answer. Obviously.

But my family does indeed have an emotional connection to our minivan. The minivan is a symbol of suburban life, of gas-guzzling trips across town lines in search of groceries and movie theaters, of mothers carting their children to soccer practice and violin lessons, of the frantic, scattered lifestyles we have in this weird western world. We have traveled many miles in this van—from Cape Cod to, well, Cape Cod again (forgive our lack of creativity in family vacations).

Two hundred thousand miles, in fact.